My First Language

For as long as I can remember art has been one of the most important outlets for me. From a very young age I found it difficult to communicate using words. My mother and sister tried to help me be descriptive but alas I was very literal. “The dog ran through the field.’ was all I needed. I can feel the dog's fur and the wet dew on the grass just from that. Why would I need more words when my brain has already filled the picture in.

My mother and sisters are all incredible writers. My mother and older sister tried to teach me how to be more descriptive. How to describe a scene in a way that made the picture come to life almost as if it were a movie. They encouraged me to use more descriptive words… my response would be something like “the black dog ran through the field”. So much more descriptive right?

They had so much patience with me and I learned and made decent grades in my college English classes (when I got there)thanks to them. In fact I actually didn’t have to take any remedial classes much to my surprise but it still never came naturally to me. I have realized now that is part of the reason I know I will never be able stop creating visual art. It is a means of expressing myself where words fail me.

I have also come to find that the way I experience some stimuli and process information is maybe not the typical way that many people do (more on that another day). I have learned that this may very well be much of the reason that I experience color and images in such an intense manner and probably the part of the reason I can't handle anything slightly gruesome or scary. (we’re talking I look away at many scenes in marvel and star wars, and barely tolerate 70% of the clips on America's funniest home videos and find about 30% actually funny). It’s likely the reason that I have always had an easy time with understanding color. Pictures and color are my first language. It's what I understand and communicate best with. Words are my second language. Something I have learned to use but will likely never be as comfortable or natural as my first language.

Well anyways, this has been an episode of “why does victoria do art” I guess.in all seriousness If you feel weak in an area don't let it dishearten you… maybe its your second language not your first and maybe you don't know what your first language is yet. Or maybe you are headed in the right direction but it's still not really clear to you. You'll figure it out! And it is so exciting when you do!

Even though I knew I was better at hands-on “non-school stuff'' and creative/artsy things, it still wasn't really clear to me until 19ish and then even more clear at 22ish. Now when I think back it seems funny that I couldn't see it before but that's the thing about clarity. It's like a heavy fog bank. The more you keep moving through it the closer you get to the edge and the clearer things get. The more you try, the more you know what you do and don't like. The more you communicate, the more you learn what does and doesn't work. The more you design, the more you develop what you like and hone in on what your specific skills are. So keep going and don’t get discouraged is my message to myself and anyone who reads this.

Much love,

Victoria <3