Big Changes and Big Emotions

May 29th I had my last day working as a barista. A job I loved. A job I actually applied for when I first got married. It wasn't the right timing then, but fast forward several years and it was the perfect timing. I applied on a whim and got the job. I have loved it so much. Coffee was something I was very passionate about and enjoyed since my teenage days (thanks to my dad's love for coffee haha). I had actually even taught myself how to pour a bit of latte art already at home.

It was by no means incredible, but I was proud of the progress I had made being self taught. When I got the job, I dreamed of really pushing myself to learn the most I could. I dreamt of pouring a swan. That was my big goal. I worked hard. I constantly tried to do better. However, my time there came to an end quicker than I had thought. I can't pour a swan yet, but I will someday because when I set my mind to something I don't quit. I’m so stubborn. Ask my husband about it. That was not the hardest part of quitting though. The hardest was leaving the people and the feeling of it really being such a final chapter of this part of my life.

I have only really had two jobs that I actually loved prior to this one; one job catering that was fine and my boss was so sweet. It just wasn't something I was super passionate about. I was also very young. The first job I loved was as a nanny. As a nanny, you go into it knowing that the kids you are watching will grow and eventually go to school. So there is an understanding that it is a somewhat temporary job; It can't be forever. When I left that job, it was hard but it wasn't so final because the family I nannied for were family friends. All my other jobs aside from these two and my most recent one were pretty awful ( I refer to them as a series of unfortunate jobs).

I knew that it wasn’t really a goodbye. I also knew what it was like before I nannied for them. I had some idea of what life would look like. When I finished nannying, I was also going straight into my new job as a barista (the second job I loved). In fact, I trained for a few weeks while also still nannying. It was so seamless. It felt like a change, but not necessarily the closing of the last chapter in a book. And it felt like a change I was used to. Leaving this job as a barista was totally different because it felt so final. It feels like “the end” part of a book. The familiar feeling of "that's it”, “it's over”, “what do I do now?”.

You just have to pick up a new book, but the last one was so good that you're sad it's over and you’re kind of attached to it. That’s sort of how my last day felt. Sad, happy. We made this choice in order to deal with some health difficulties, to pursue growing my business instead of just maintaining, and hopefully start a family in the near future. This is something both me and my husband have wanted for quite some time. Recently we decided that it was time to make that choice. In so many ways, God has just lined things up and confirmed that it was the right choice. Then came the fear and anxiety. It has still been very emotionally hard for me even with all the confirmations God graced me with.

I had wanted a job like that for a long time. It was the most fitting to me. It was something I thoroughly enjoyed and working for my boss was a great experience. The sense of community with the downtown Plant City businesses and regulars was so beautiful to me. Walking away from that was so hard and the feeling of not having a job other than my own

business was and is extremely nerve wracking. To leave something you love for something else you love that isn’t as stable is so hard. So hard I had a full on panic attack the weekend after I worked my last shift.

I have never done well with change and this stage of my life is filled with the most change I have ever had at one time. It's such a weird feeling to feel so torn between being so happy for this stage and opportunity that I have waited for so long to come, but also being so sad and so scared to leave something good behind. My soul feels such extreme polar opposites right now.

With that said I really am so excited and so ready! I look forward to creating monthly emails (hopefully with a freebie of some sort). I have new product Ideas. I am learning new art mediums so that I can sell some original pieces. I've been mulling over the possibility of offering custom pieces down the road and so many more ideas!

I am praying that God would give me grace and help me navigate this new stage of life with peace and trust. I share all this (especially the panic attack part) not to make anybody feel bad or worry, but rather to show the difficult side of things as well as the good side. I don't believe that I owe it to anyone to share that. It is a very private moment, but I know that things can look so good on the internet. I just want to highlight that something very good and very exciting can also come with a host of challenges. Just because someone's life seems full of highs doesn't mean that they aren't still having lows. Life is a crazy, beautiful, colorful mess. Sometimes all the colors are overwhelming, but in the end it still creates a beautiful picture.

Victoria <3